You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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