by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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