He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
