The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
