Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
