Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
