no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
