seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
