The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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