end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
