I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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