I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
