he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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