Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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