There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
