i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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