Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
