I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I touched a dick in church today
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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