dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
