Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize