You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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