I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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