Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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