So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
