Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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