I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
