Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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