i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
