Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
