it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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