All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
