I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
