Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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