ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
