I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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