I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
