ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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