1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
