I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
