god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
