UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
