No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
