By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
