I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
