Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
