dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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