Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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