Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
