Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
