what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
