Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
