A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
