The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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