"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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