perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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