my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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