Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
