Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
