The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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