i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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