I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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