Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
