Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its not stalking. its research.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
