I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
