i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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