I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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