I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
