I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
