And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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