Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
