Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
