my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize