My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
