we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
