Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
