we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
