very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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