i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
