Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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