Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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