I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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