His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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