How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
