i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
