Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
