3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
