Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
