oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
