I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
