Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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