Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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