watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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