I am puke
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I looked at my own cervix.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
