so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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