I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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