he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
