FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
