my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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