I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
