She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
