I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
