I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Four minutes until I can fart!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Congratulations! We have a period
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